I am going public.
No, I am not going to live my life on social media. Nor am I going to post daily pictures of the food I eat.
But I am struggling. I am comfort eating. I am undoing all the good work of the past year and a half during which I went from a size XL to an M. My eyes see something I like – Lebkuchen, chocolate, shortbread, whatever – and something in me says “I don’t mind if I do… have one… or two… packets.”
So instead of being 4lb from target, I am now a stone from target and not happy.
And trying to understand why.
Then this morning, at stupid o’clock, I woke with this thought “My Life in 3D”, and I felt alive. Not so much awake, but alive.
My 3 Ds.
Yes, my three dimensions, the cornerstones that will take me where I want and deserve to be.
One: The ability to pay my bills and have enough left over for the luxuries in life like the theatre, good food, friends and family, holidays… The things that make the struggles worthwhile.
Two: Self-worth, which is linked to the achievements that make me proud. But even more important is the way I look and feel as me, and of course my weight plays a huge part in that.
Three: Passion, and I don’t mean the lustful kind, although should that reappear in my life, I will not turn it away. I mean the activities in my life I do with a passion, the things that fill me with joy and serenity. That includes writing, which I haven’t really done for over a year.
And this is why I am going public. I cannot work on any one of my dimensions without the other two. I cannot work on just two and hope the third will happen on its own.
So I will earn, I will eat sensibly and like myself, and I will write.
Follow my blog as I rebuild my writing world, regain control over my eating choices and build my businesses.